Tim W. Burke

Work In Progress: "The Peachies"

2012-01-02T12:12:00.000-08:00

He locked the door to a bathroom stall and pulled off his clothes.

I have swum through Peachy and now I am Alex and I am going to meet my girlfriend at the party.

His stomach bulged pale, with gray hairs on his chest. Good quality. Realistic.

This fat suit had to have a zipper somewhere.

Wait! Peachy always carried a multi-tool for work. I’ll get this zipper open.

He unfolded the sawblade and pinched skin around his throat.

He started to laugh, and warm tears came too.

So where’s the party at, Alex? What’s Power Girl’s name, Alex?

“If I…if I unzip…I’ll remember. I’ll remember.”

Weeping, his hands dropped. The multi-tool clattered to the floor.

Dennis! Dennis. Stuffed in this skin like a sausage. Sausage sealed by a birth at one end and another day at the other.

In the mirror, bright blue flashes jumped from his eyes. Closer, on his cheeks, perfect blue drops ran like animated sapphire.

Am I going insane? I’m having a breakdown. My eyes are playing tricks.

He wrestled into his clothes. His orange shirt smelled like him. The jeans fell under his stomach and needed another hitching on his belt.

No matter what I do, I’ll be me. I am what I am, no matter where.

He stepped outside to an alcove. The alcove led to a crowded dealer’s floor.

What? I was on the concourse. The con’s over. And I forgot Alex’s bag. I better go back.

Along the wall, he read the blue sign with the stick figure for men: “Men / Hommes”.

Two languages? And I think that’s French. Where am I?

He turned and saw a familiar face.

Above the crowd, on a banner rippling thirty-feet high, Peachy flashed his thumb at the world. Beneath the drawing was scrawled, “Spirit Collector: Unlonely Hero Shadow Fighters ”.

Around Peachy, jagged mouthed shadows swirled.

Wide-eyed, open-mouthed, he wiped his cheeks.

Yes. That is what it feels like. That is what I’ve been fighting my whole life.

There was the artist! Under the banner, the artist Yul Yeong was drawing. On the stool sat a round brown lump of a woman wearing a vest rattling with homemade buttons. Squinting close, he read they had manga titles, cartoon characters, and “Slash Writer: Fiction With Friction”.

The woman didn’t look at him. His hand passed through her.

Yul made a noise. She stared into his eyes, pretending to look lost in thought, and waved her pen to beckon him.

Yul said to the woman, “The way you look is so perfect!”

The woman nodded, beaming yet self-conscious.

He looked over Yul’s shoulder at the drawing.

Not bad, Peachy thought.

Merry Christmas From The Bottom Of My Heart. Or Something.

2011-12-21T10:47:00.000-08:00

A Great Review Of "Pensive Creatures"

2011-12-19T18:19:00.000-08:00

http://booksandpals.blogspot.com/2011/06/pensive-creatures-tim-w-burke.html

"I’ve always been a fan of unusual interpretations of common themes. This collection includes some entertaining, satirical takes on speculative fiction/horror, including vampires/blood sucking fiends, immortality, zombies, ghosts, and the philosopher’s stone.

A short story is the distillation of an idea to its purest form, often with little regard to plot or characterization. While these stories do emphasize the unique ideas they’re exploring, the characters are engaging and the concepts are often suitable for extension in subsequent stories rather than being closed off.

Overall I found this collection to be highly enjoyable, though purists may not appreciate some of Burke’s takes on the tropes."

Rating: **** Four Stars

Random Writing Scene

2011-10-22T19:30:00.000-07:00

Bonita kicked down the door to the hotel room. She jumped in with glocks drawn.

“Clear! Get in here before someone sees you!”

Lampreyhead slinked in. He pressed the door closed, but the splintered frame cracked further. His barbed tongue licked his fingers, and he tried to press splinters back into place. Gritting his hooked teeth, plate-like eyes in laser concentration, he tapped the chain locked back into its screw holes.

Bonita the Slaughterer of Evil ignored him and holstered her pistols. She kicked through newspapers, pizza boxes, empty beer bottles for clues.

The door in a semblance of order, Lampreyhead turned his gilled head and saw the “Do Not Disturb” sign. He sighed. He reopened the collapsing door and stuck the sign on the outside doorknob.

Bonita snapped, “Get over here!”

“I’m securing the threshold!”

“The necromancer’s gone. He had dinner, checked tonight’s weather, tied one on and went to do the sacrifice.”

The trash and tv bore out her assumptions.

“His people do not know what he looks like. Got any ideas, Lampreyhead?”

“Yes! I have just the thing!” The ghoul help up a finger, then fished from his tween blazer a tiny bottle.

“This potion will give me the appearance of the necromancer. We can infiltrate the group and thwart the plans. All I need is a hair from the necromancer’s head… The shower drain!”

He sprang into the bathroom. He returned, pressing a hair into the bottleneck. He stoppered it, shook it while speaking Latin, then opened and drank the contents.

“Hey, whoa! This feels stranp-p-p --”

His cheeks puffed up to two pale hairy pillows of flesh. His mouth shrank to a tiny opening where those pillows met.

The ghoul’s hands slapped the huge cheeks. “I can’t see! I’m blind! I’m…”

“I’m an ass, aren’t I?”

Bonita threw raven tresses back and gave a thunderous, aggrieved groan. “What hair did you grab from the drain?”

The tiny sphincter said, “I thought you said the necromancer was Italian.”

“So we’re a step behind the guy and you have an ass-head! I knew I should have done thins alone!”

“No! I can still help! I just have to find the right bottle to drink so I can dispel this –“

“We don’t have time! I’ll can get the guy myself! You meet me at the crossroads. It’ll all be over by the time you get there.”

Now Lampreyhead groaned.

“Damn-damn-damn!” He sat on the bed. A muffled crack made him spring back up.

“Owww!”

“What’s wrong now?”

The ghoul reached behind and put his hand down his slacks.

When he brought his hand back, his fingers were spotted with blood.

The sphincter frowned. “I think…I broke my nose.”

Editing For Your Audience: The Beatitudes

2011-10-21T17:17:00.001-07:00

The Sermon On The Mount is some of the most beautiful and meaningful guidance ever written. But some people who noise about heeding these have selective interpretations. In my limited experience of writing guidelines, people want to know what *not* to do. Let's clarify:

Blighted are the overbearing, for they will always stand outside the door.
Blighted are those who mock, for they will be ignored.
Blighted are the imperious, for they will only own their grave.
Blighted are those who starve others of , for they will be consumed.
Blighted are the merciless, for they will be shown no mercy.
Blighted are the jaded, for they will be blind forever.
Blighted are the warmongers, because they murder the infinite until it overcomes them.
Blighted are those who persecute, for they will never find a haven.
Blighted are you when you insult, you persecute, and falsely say all kinds of evil because they believe in Me.
For they should rejoice and be glad, because great is their reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

And select portions of The Sermon from Matthew 7:

The Fulfillment of the Law
17 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. So Buddy, do not cherry-pick. 20 For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven. It never shall so surpass, so do not even think it will.

Murder
21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder,[a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister[b][c] will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’[d] is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
25 “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny. Of your money, not of anyone else or even a bailbond. This is another metaphor, where the judge = My Father and your money = your soul. So own up when you sin and it will go easier on you.
Adultery
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[e] 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. For these are metaphors, like yoking your ox to that of your neighbors may lead yours astray. Like the ox, the point is that you should lose your unjust habits. I do not see any gouged or hacked people walking around, so maybe you get that one.

Divorce
31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’[f] 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Remember that bit about cherry-picking. If you want heaven, suck it up.

Oaths
33 “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ 34 But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. 36And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 37 All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.[g]You are going to lie or break the oath eventually. Do your best. Do not create a neurosis over it.

Eye for Eye
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’[h] 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. So stop saying ‘an eye for an eye’ and killing; for man, you are truly cherry-picking.

Matthew 8
24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. Let me say that one so you in the back can hear: YOU CANNOT SERVE BOTH GOD AND MONEY. AND REMEMBER, GOD REWARDS IN HEAVEN AND NOT IN CASH.

Editing the OWS Manifesto For Its Audience

2011-10-15T18:15:00.000-07:00

I agree with everything OWS stands for.
The fact they got a manifesto out from group-think is an accomplishment in itself.
But it needs work to overcome the confusion of the uninformed and the purposeful twisting by the reflexively conservative. And the writers' slightest tone of self-importance.
With all the unemployed in NYC, one would think there would have been a copyeditor.
Here is my version of the "Declaration of the Occupation of New York City", edited so American minds can comprehend it despite Coulter and Hannity, despite local news coverage of cute kitties on YouTube, despite sleep deprivation from working three jobs.

Have a look at the original first: http://conservativedailynews.com/2011/10/ows-manifesto-declaration-of-the-occupation-of-nyc/

New Title: "We Believe In An Ideal America, But The One We Have Is Ripping You Off"

We gather because people are feeling screwed over.

People have to work together. When those in charge corrupt that ideal, the people have to get your attention to help stop that corruption. That's what decent people do for themselves and their neighbors. Corporations value making money before caring for their neighbors. This makes them a danger to our ideal.

They, the corporations, run the government. Not the people. Certainly not you. How can we say that?

They take our houses through an illegal foreclosure process, despite not having the original mortgage.
They take bailouts from taxpayers with impunity, and continue to give their executives exorbitant bonuses.
They are bigoted in the workplace based on age, the color of one’s skin, sex, gender identity and sexual orientation.
They poison the food supply through negligence.
They undermine farmers through price-fixing.
They torture countless animals as part of science and farming, and actively hide these practices.
They strip employees of the right to negotiate for better pay and safer working conditions.
They hold students hostage with tens of thousands of dollars of debt on education, which is itself a human right.
They send jobs overseas as leverage to cut workers’ healthcare and pay.
They influence the courts to achieve the same rights as people, with none of the culpability or responsibility.
They commit fraud through manipulating contracts for health insurance.
They sold our privacy as a commodity.
They use the military and police force to prevent freedom of the press.
They decline to recall faulty products endangering lives in pursuit of profit.
They ruin the economy through practices they know are risky, and expect tax money will be used to bail them out.
They donate large sums of money to politicians, who are responsible for regulating them.
They block alternate forms of energy to keep us dependent on oil.
They block less-costly medicine to protect investments that have already turned a substantial profit.
They lie through their control of the media.
They run prisons for profit, then help make more crimes punishable through imprisonment and execution even when presented with serious doubts about their guilt.
They torture and murder of innocent civilians overseas.
They create weapons of mass destruction to receive government contracts.

To the people of the United States,

We, the New York City General Assembly occupying Wall Street in Liberty Square, urge you to assert your power.

Corporations can be run by decent people, as long as there are decent people to hold corporations accountable.

Exercise your right to peaceably assemble; think and write and cry out; we need your minds and your voices to help make our democracy into the ideal that responds to its citizens.

All that is ours and all of us are ready to help you.

Your community needs you!

THE HORROR FICTION REVIEW: October, 2011 Reviews

2011-10-02T17:37:00.000-07:00

THE HORROR FICTION REVIEW: October, 2011 Reviews: OCTOBER 2011 REVIEWS ( NOTE: The "smell ratings" at the end of some reviews rate the actual SMELL of the book and have nothing to do with t...

Tattered Souls 2

2011-09-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

Tattered Souls 2

Lunacon 2011!

2011-03-15T17:31:00.001-07:00

Poplar Room Friday 23:00:00 "How to be a Dirty Old Man"
Lew Wolkoff, Tim Burke Lew is a past PSFS President
(I may not make this one, but if I do I'll start by suggesting bookmarking Cosplay websites. Lew is a past PSFS President.)

Maple Room Saturday 12:00:00 "The biggest mistakes new writers make"
Michael Ventrella, Joshua Palmatier, Michael Swanwick, Tim Burke
(Having read slush at "Weird Tales" will come in handy here. )

Saturday at 6 PM: "Self-Publishing"
Charlie Spickler, Michael Ventrella, Tim Burke, Robert Rosenberg, Michael D'Ambrosio
(In which I will recommend a couple of companies I found who have been helpful.)

Don't know if I'm doing a reading. They haven't posted those.

"Pensive Creatures" trailer

2011-03-04T19:21:00.000-08:00